A beautiful flaw.

I am a tragic flaw in this beautiful story. I am in complete disbelief that I had not seen it before - the truth is so dry and straight-cut in front of me, I must be a mighty fool to be blind of it. It is true of most people, and those who it is not true of must be of a special make - a special breed - of human. The fear of exposure, and our response to its threat. Because it is in our nature to run, our nature to hide, our nature to not be seen.

When a doe in the wood is seen, it is attacked - the predator gains the power. It is not until it is seen that it is in danger. It is not until it is in that vulnerable position of exposure that it feels the need to run.

I am the cowardly doe - more cowardly than is natural of a doe, even - because I run. I run without hesitation or understanding of why I am running. I run now, but I surely ran years ago.

The realization that had fallen upon me then has now fallen upon me now. And it is taking every ounce of my being to admit it to myself... but this is my fault. Everything that has happened - every bit of heartbreak - has been brought upon by inability to allow myself to be gloriously exposed in the light of love.

And he was ready to drench me in love, not only then, but now. And he tried. He tried then, to show me that I am not a mistake but a beautiful being for him to douse his affections upon. And he has only done the same all these years. And the moment when I realize it, I run. Like a frightened doe.

I do not know if he loves me, but love is exposed through him with every tiring effort he has made to reach me. And I pushed him away. And the part that makes me ill about it all is that I pushed him away in the name of love. Because I was scared of loving him.

And he has not given up on me. He has returned, time and time again, to warm my cold veins with what he has to offer. Expecting nothing in return but for me to not turn completely from his affections; to show him some slight movement or a small set of words that I accept this affection. And all I have done is not only deny it, but deny the truth inside me. And I break him time and time again. And he still does not leave me.

Again, I do not know if he loves me. But what I do know as that he is fully aware of the blatant truth that I am a flaw- an error of nature. And for some reason that I will never understand, he still sees me as a beautiful flaw.