Clothes.

I stand before you.
My clothes are filthy;
grimy, caked with mud.

I stare at your eyes
your gaze burns;
I turn away.

You approach me,
swiftly, your left foot
then your right.

You are in front of me,
I feel you,
though my eyes are now closed.

I feel your hands
brush my hair
from my face.

Don't do that
don't look at my face
I cry.


You are so gentle,
and you stop
until I open my eyes.

Your face is so near
that the heat
flushes my cheeks.

I look into your eyes
and you wipe the tears
from mine with your thumb.
 
Your hand hovers over me;
your fingers remove my
mud-stained clothing.

My garments fall to the ground,
pooled at my feet.
I look down, ashamed.

You bring my chin up
so I meet your gaze.
My shame is diminished.

You bring me to a mirror
and I look at my flesh,
ivory; clean.

My shoulders rise
as I see I am glowing.
I am new.

I look back for my clothes,
the stench of my old skin,
but they are gone.

A cry.

When will it end?
Oh dear God when will it end?
This horror the pain
the massacre.

Your children, God,
your children
are being slaughtered.
When will it end?

Your kingdom come, God.
Your will be done, God.
On our broken earth
as it is in your heaven.

God make it end.
Our guns cannot make it end.
Our words cannot make it end.
Our governments
cannot
make
it
end.

Let it be finished God.
For thine is the kingdom
and the power
and the glory
forever.

Amen.

Context.

It starts with normalcy.
The dry dullness
that is only satisfying
because it is
safe.

Somewhere along the line
the balance is
snapped.
 Like a stress-fracture;
unnoticed.

White veil.

The bride blushes
because her flesh is transparent.
What happens when her flesh
becomes
opaque?

Their words are written
under the visible skin.
The part where it is tender,
where the callus
covers.

They took the place
of where you should be,
my darling.
I filled that space
before it was time.

Virginity is black and white
but I know better.
Pure is my flesh
but not my heart.
My heart is stained.

Dear God,
If you are my groom
and I your bride
is my veil
white?

Stale.

We are all born into this world
with a nature of innocence.
The cold wind
has not yet bitten our face.
The warm sun
has not yet heated our flesh.

We are at birth
given a fresh spirit.
Our eyes
have not yet seen sin.
Our ears
have not heard damnation.
And our tongues
have not yet spoken evil.

I turn back
whiplash
as I look to when I knew little.
And I look forward
whiplash
as I realize that I know little.

And I look inward
disgusted
as I see
my innocence has
fallen
away.

"Circumstances took it from me!"
I shout
the words choked out.
Lies lies lies.
Truer things I have never spoken
but so much is left unsaid, lies.

I want to be a hero in my own story
pure and righteous.
I want to deny my responsibility
for this loss of innocence.
I want to point fingers
give glares
without seeing that I have
fucked
up.

I opened my eyes to the sin
welcomed it lustfully.
I pointed my ears to the damnations
satisfied myself with them.
I let my mouth speak of evils
I wanted my mouth to speak evils.

I have played with darkness
far too long.
The cold wind has cut into my flesh
and my spirit is
stale.

Breathe.

Oh how quickly they leave me
they are nomads
resting with me
for just a few
short
breaths.

"Breathe with me longer"
I gasp.
But they have
no more
to give
me.

So I sit alone
breaths shallow
the air leaving me
as quickly
as it
arrived.

Stagnant

There is a point where life becomes stagnant.
Like when something burns on the stove;
the bitter smell lingers on your clothes
your skin
your hair.

I long for that rush of blood to my fingertips
that new excitement.
To discover some truth
that was hidden in the seams;
in the corners of reality.

There is something hidden there
in those dark places.
There is something behind
the veil that everyone talks about.
What if I can't even find the veil?

Satisfacton is bitter
like the smell of the smoke.
It lasts for what feels like one hundred years
and wears off in ten
and is gone for a thousand.

And I continue to search.
And I know the truth
I know the veil is there
but I want to touch it
with my fingertips.